So Today My Tea Fell In The Bin

So today my tea fell in the bin. It feels like something that would only happen in a comedy sketch. The way it happened was after a series challenging of events, I started the morning content in bed with Phoebe (my French bulldog, not my lover) and after an hour of cuddles I felt ready to face the day. But I didn’t realise the universe had other plans. I should have known the universe was telling me I need to sit down and relax when she dropped my breakfast on the floor (rapidly eaten by Phoebe the French bulldog, not the lover) and then proceeded to not be able to connect to the internet to search for Bitsifind related jobs which frustrated me immensely. This delayed my start to the day which lead me into a sort of paralysis with being able to start anything (if you have ADHD you might know the feeling well) I proceeded to try and avoid that feeling by pursuing the mammoth task of folding all my clothes (a task only for the bravest of souls) and bursting into tears when the appointment I made for 3pm at the pottery shop started getting closer and closer even though it was something I was really looking forward to. The dog ate a wheel off my suitcase mid cry. I hit my head on the bed when I bent down to stop her. It was all a bit much.

It started to make me feel heavy with the weight of the things making me feel stressed in life, like working all the time or working too little, annoyed at myself for not putting more efforts into hobbies, annoyed at myself for having too many, I felt guilty for socialising when I should be home with Phoebe, I felt guilty for not going to the gym, being a bad friend for not socialising enough, feeling like a useless person for not having the effort to fold my clothes or tidy the kitchen. I cried like a infant who needed a cuddle.

Then I took a breath.

I remembered that I am a busy woman, trying to make a sustainable little life for me and my dog. Who is a good friend and would definitely fold her clothes and tidy her kitchen if she was home more. A woman who is capable of attending 3pm appointments when not burnt out from the week leading up the 3pm appointment. That she is striving to be a little artist and who has enjoyed it so much in the past and is just at the very baby stages of being a working illustrator again after last year attempted to tear her to pieces. I am rebuilding that beautiful life for myself. To be compassionate is to be released from that feeling of worthlessness or shame or any of the narratives we tell ourselves in the small hours of the night. You are worthy, even when you are struggling, you are worthy when you are not. It is okay to say ‘today is a bad day, maybe I should accept it and have a rest, tomorrow is a new day’

And that’s what I did. I sat down. I made tea, I drew and and listened to music and phoned a friend. I walked and cuddled Phoebe. I rang EE and sorted out my internet. I rearranged my appointment. I watched telly. I felt so much better. Acceptance. Peacefulness.

And then my tea fell in the bin.

And you know what? I laughed. Of COURSE my tea would fall in the bin. If only there had been a studio audience..

Until next time babies

Love from

BITSIFIND x